Архив от Категория: "Jokes in English"



Jokes

16 август 2010
Sorry for eating the peanuts A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on [...]

A cow case

7 август 2010
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried [...]

Funny signs and notices 6

24 юли 2010
These are supposedly actual signs and notices that have appeared at various locations: Sign on an asphalt truck: „Let us fill your crack!“ Office sign: „Ace exterminating – we kill bugs dead, walk-ins welcome.“ Sign at a muffler shop: „No muff too tough for us!“ Sign on a government [...]

Bar jokes

15 юли 2010
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey. The man asks [...]

Jokes

3 юли 2010
Scientists have finally discovered what’s wrong with the female brain: On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left –– U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his [...]

Marriage Jokes

29 юни 2010
A man is almost about to die As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, „I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with [...]

Can I play the piano once these are off?

22 юни 2010
Can I play the piano once these are off? A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. „Doctor,“ says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. „Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come [...]

A desperate marriage

13 юни 2010
A desperate marriage A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid [...]

Funny signs and notices 5

4 юни 2010
These are supposedly actual signs and notices that have appeared at various locations: Sign in an office: „We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.“ Sign in a veterinary’s waiting room: „Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!“ Sign on music teachers’ door: „Out Chopin.“ Sign [...]

Stop being late to work

29 май 2010
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him [...]