A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.
The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says „Do you know your monkey stole my beer.“ The pianist replies „No, but if you hum it, I’ll play it.“
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, „So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?“ The pirate replies, „We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.“
„Wow!“ said the seaman. „What about your hook“? „Well“, replied the pirate, „We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off.“
„Incredible!“ remarked the seaman. „How did you get the eye patch“? „A seagull dropping fell into my eye,“ replied the pirate.
„You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?,“ the sailor asked incredulously. „Well,“ said the pirate, „it was my first day with my hook“