Архив от Категория: "Jokes in English"



Funny signs and notices

23 март 2010
These are supposedly actual signs and notices that have appeared at various locations: Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships: „DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE – XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS“ At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: „Belt [...]

Funny advertisements 3

19 март 2010
Real advertisements that have appeared in papers and various church bulletins. Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. [...]

Funny advertisements 2

14 март 2010
Real advertisements that have appeared in papers. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit: one. We build bodies that last a lifetime. [...]

Funny advertisements

12 март 2010
Real advertisements that have appeared in papers. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable [...]

Travel to Heaven

9 март 2010
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their [...]

What is this?

3 март 2010
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. „Good heavens,“ he said, „what is this?“ „Why, it’s bean soup,“ she replied. „I don’t care what it has been,“ he sputtered. „What is it now?“

Constantly complaining about the temperature

24 февруари 2010
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very [...]

Abbreviations

13 февруари 2010
FIAT – Failure in Italian Automotive Technology Ford – Fix Or Repair Daily Hyundai – Hope You Understand Nothing`s Driveable And Inexpensive Pontiac – Poor Old Nigger Things It`s Cadillac SAAB – Sad Attempt At Beauty KIA – Killed In Assembly Volvo – Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object Buick [...]

Nobody loves me

10 февруари 2010
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, „Nobody loves me …the whole world hates me!“ Her brother, busily occupied playing a [...]

How do I get across that river?

8 февруари 2010
A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river [...]