Архив от Категория: "Jokes in English"



The results of statistics

23 май 2010
1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed 2. All polar bears are left-handed 3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear 1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles 2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles [...]

My wife is missing

19 май 2010
My wife is missing The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, „You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?“ „Why?“ „Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.“

Child sent to bed

13 май 2010
A small boy is sent to bed by his father… [Five minutes later] „Da-ad…“ „What?“ „I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?“ „No. You had your chance. Lights out.“ [Five minutes later] „Da-aaaad…“ „WHAT?“ „I’m THIRSTY… Can I have a drink of water??“ „I told you [...]

Funny signs and notices 4

6 май 2010
These are supposedly actual signs and notices that have appeared at various locations: Sign on a scientist’s door: „Gone fission.“ Sign in a taxidermist’s window: „We really know our stuff.“ Sign in a podiatrist’s window: „Time wounds all heels.“ Sign in a butcher’s window: „Let me meat your needs.“ [...]

Interviewing crazy

30 април 2010
A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first. „Tell me,“ said he, [...]

Trouble sleeping

30 април 2010
Trouble sleeping The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. „What seems to be the problem?“ the doctor asked. „Well, I, uh,“ she stammered. „I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.“ „I see,“ he said. „I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an [...]

My Resimay

29 април 2010
My Resimay My Resimay To hoom it mae cunsern, I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper. I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting. I think I am good on the fone and I no I am a pepole person. [...]

Funny signs and notices 3

18 април 2010
These are supposedly actual signs and notices that have appeared at various locations: Outside a country shop: „We buy junk and sell antiques.“ In the window of an Oregon store: „Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?“ In a Maine restaurant: „Open 7 days a [...]

Funny signs and notices 2

5 април 2010
These are supposedly actual signs and notices that have appeared at various locations: At a Santa Fe gas station: „We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.“ In a New York restaurant: „Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.“ On the wall of [...]

The tradition at weddings

2 април 2010
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, „Mommy, why does the girl wear white?“ His mom replies, „The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.“ The boy thinks about this, and then says, „Well then, [...]