„Do you believe in life after death?“ the boss asked one of his employees. „Yes, Sir.“ the new recruit replied. „Well, then, that makes everything just fine,“ the boss went on. „After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.“

So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you [...]

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. The one guy said, „I’m a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional.“ The second guy responded, „I’m a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids.“ They then asked the woman, „What are you?“ She replied: [...]

1st woman: Hi Barbara! 2nd woman: Hi Sylvia! How’d you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about [...]

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, „Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?“ The kid replies, „Yeah.“ The cop says, [...]

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he’s getting sentimental because they’re celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, „No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. [...]

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers [...]

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until [...]

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them: – „It’sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro.“ – „Vot do you mean it’z illegal?“, asks the German driver. – „Quattro meansa four“, replies the Italian official. [...]

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, „Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.“ The second lady [...]