Архив от Категория: "Jokes in English"



Wise thoughts

4 февруари 2010
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Life is sexually transmitted. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich. Give a person a fish and [...]

Biting dog

3 февруари 2010
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, „Does your dog bite?“ The shopkeeper says, „No, my dog does not bite.“ The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. „Ouch!“ He says, „I thought you said your [...]

Short gender jokes

1 февруари 2010
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful [...]

School

30 януари 2010
„Dad, I don’t want to go to school today.“ said the boy. „Why not, son?“ „Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had [...]

English is a difficult language …for some

29 януари 2010
This is a true story of the Japanese Embassy in the United States. Days ago, Prime Minister Mori received some instructions in Basic English conversation before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama… The instructor told Mr. Mori: When you shake hand with President Obama, please say ‘How [...]

The ugliest baby

20 януари 2010
A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, „That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.“ In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her [...]

Drummer problems

13 януари 2010
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, „When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they [...]

Must help the wife

12 януари 2010
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. „Boss,“ he says, „we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.“ „We’re short-handed, Smith“ the boss replies. „I can’t give you the [...]

Boss wants too much

10 януари 2010
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his [...]

Have a life after death

9 януари 2010
„Do you believe in life after death?“ the boss asked one of his employees. „Yes, Sir.“ the new recruit replied. „Well, then, that makes everything just fine,“ the boss went on. „After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.“