Всичко от: Jokes in English



Daddy’s car in the woods?

23 юли 2009
Daddy’s car in the woods? Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace… Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started [...]

The Little Scotsman

23 юли 2009
The Little Scotsman One morning a Scotsman is having breakfast in Paris, (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and marmalade) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Scotsman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: ‘You Scots folk eat the whole bread?’ Scotsman (in a bad mood): ‘Of [...]

THE ACADEMIC HIERARCHY

22 юли 2009
THE ACADEMIC HIERARCHY The President: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, gives policy to god. The Vice President for academic affairs: Leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is [...]

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH

20 юли 2009
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH Don’t tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway – but the Hershey Man will know! This is pretty neat. DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST! It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read. Be sure you don’t read the bottom until [...]

Three is equal to four

16 юли 2009
Three is equal to four Theorem: 3=4 Proof: Suppose: a + b = c This can also be written as: 4a – 3a + 4b – 3b = 4c – 3c After reorganizing: 4a + 4b – 4c = 3a + 3b – 3c Take the constants out of the brackets: 4 * (a+b-c) [...]

A Wireless Joke

16 юли 2009
A Wireless Joke After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Japanese scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago. Not to be outdone in the weeks that followed, Chinese scientists [...]

The Zen of Sarcasm

14 юли 2009
The Zen of Sarcasm 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky [...]

Never Argue with a Woman

13 юли 2009
Never Argue with a Woman One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. [...]

IN A HELICOPTER

11 юли 2009
IN A HELICOPTER A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of aircraft’s electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward [...]

The 40th wedding anniversary

11 юли 2009
The 40th  wedding anniversary A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, „When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads“: Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever. „Yeah,“ she replies, „When you die, I’m getting you a headstone [...]