THE ACADEMIC HIERARCHY
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, gives policy to god.
The Vice President for academic affairs:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, talks with god.
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, can fire a speeding bullet, walks on water in an indoor swimming pool, talks with god if special request is approved.
Barely clears a quonset hut, loses tug of war with locomotive, misfires frequently, swims well, is occasionally addressed by god.
Makes high marks on walls when trying to leap tall buildings, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to animals.
Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat with a life jacket, talks to walls.
Undergraduate and work study student:
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings, says, „look at the choo-choo,“ wets himself with a water pistol, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the tracks, catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them, freezes water with a single glance, is god.