These are supposedly actual signs and notices that have appeared at various locations:

• Sign on a scientist’s door: „Gone fission.“
• Sign in a taxidermist’s window: „We really know our stuff.“
• Sign in a podiatrist’s window: „Time wounds all heels.“
• Sign in a butcher’s window: „Let me meat your needs.“
• Sign on used car lot: „Second hand cars in first crash condition.“
• Sign on fence: „Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.“
• Sign in a car dealership office: „The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.“
• Sign over a cannibal’s hut: „I never met a man I didn’t like.“
• Sign in a muffler shop: „No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.“
• Sign at a hotel: „Help! We need inn-experienced people.“
• Sign in a science teacher’s room: „If it moves, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.“
• Sign in butchers window: „Pleased to meat you.“
• Sign on auto body shop: „May we have the next dents?“
• Sign at the dry cleaner’s window: „Drop your pants here.“
• Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: „Reserved for plant manager.“
• Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: „The manager has personally passed all the water served here.“
• Sign in a Norwegian lounge: „Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.“
• Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: „Please do not disturb further.“