The President:
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, gives policy to god.

The Vice President for academic affairs:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, talks with god.

Professor:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, can fire a speeding bullet, walks on water in an indoor swimming pool, talks with god if special request is approved.

Associate Professor:
Barely clears a quonset hut, loses tug of war with locomotive, misfires frequently, swims well, is occasionally addressed by god.

Assistant Professor:
Makes high marks on walls when trying to leap tall buildings, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to animals.

Graduate Student:
Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat with a life jacket, talks to walls.

Undergraduate and work study student:
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings, says, „look at the choo-choo,“ wets himself with a water pistol, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

Department Secretary:
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the tracks, catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them, freezes water with a single glance, is god.