Scientists have finally discovered what’s wrong with the female brain: On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left

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U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.. .
„I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.“
A voice from the front of the audience yells out …
„Then fookin stop clapping, ya asehole !“

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I’ve sure gotten old. I’ve had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But…..Thank God, I still have my Florida driver’s license!