These are supposedly actual signs and notices that have appeared at various locations:

• Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships: „DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE – XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS“
• At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: „Belt your family. It’s the law.“
• Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: „Broken English spoken perfectly“
• At an Applebee’s restaraunt: „NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!“
• Fitness Center sign: „Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself – regardless of the facts.“
• In restaurant: „Open seven days a week and weekends.“
• On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: „Rome wasn’t built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor.“
• A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: „A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS“
• A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: „Caution: Nuts crossing road.“
• On a ski lift in Taos, NM: „No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.“
• Official sign near door: „Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.“
• Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus. (translation of the Greek): „Caution: Road Slippery from Grapejuice.“
• A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race: „Let’s see who can go downhill the fastest.“
• Sign in King’s Canyon in California. „Slow Parking Ahead“
• A billboard seen next to the highway, travelling from Johannesburg International Airport into town. An Ad for BMW showing a photo of a BMW 328i convertible with the roof and all the windows down. The caption reads: „Our hardware runs better without WINDOWS!!!“
• Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: „Restrooms to the left. Please wait for the hostess to seat you.“
• Seen in a health food store: „Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot“
• „Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense.“
• I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: „Women are not served here. You have to bring your own.“