–––- Forwarded message –––- From: Roanald Dvorak ……@gmail.com Date: Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 9:55 PM Subject: Re: Office Manager at Software Company (Chelsea) To: [email protected]

Holla! This job is exactly the position I’ve been looking for!

Forget all the other candidates for Aviary, I am the BEST.

* Organizing shit? Check.
* Calling numbers and shit? Doublecheck.
* Customer support and shit? Mega-check.
* Faxing numbers and shit? MOTHERFLIPPING CHECK ALL OVER THAT.

Don’t believe me? Check this shit out:

* I am devilishly handsome: I was Prom king two years in a row with two different queens.
* I am ridiculously smart: I can solve any Rubiks cube in front of your face with my magic fingers. I will bring one to prove it.
* I have pinpoint accuracy: I killed a hawk once with a ninja star (sorry Aviary).
* I am good for office morale: When someone cries I am all sympathetic and shit.

Need my resume? Nope. Not when you got my FACTS!

* I am honorable: I am the son of a librarian and a capricorn.
* I am brave: I fight crime on weekends. I don’t wear a cape yo that shit is for PIMPS.
* I am dependable: Just call my name and I’ll be there.

I’ll pop in tomorrow to get my paperwork all signed up around 11 am. No need for an interview, trust me you will love me. I got your address from google, because my Internet research skills are the shit. I actually have been to a spa near your building before a few times so i already know the area.

Love, Roanald

PST. My favorite color is TOUPE because it rhymes with DOPE!!